I don’t know why, or how these days happen or occur, but I hate them with a passion. It isn’t something you can tell when you wake up, it gradually just becomes more and more aware as the day lingers on, and on. It’s one of those days where everything seems fine, but all of a sudden you notice how dark it’s become around you; either indoors or out. When all the little things around you slowly become more and more annoying for no reason. Nothing is changing around you; it’s all in your head but it becomes more and more vivid as the events proceed. All the sounds, feelings, tastes, and light grow bitter and cold because you’ve grown miserable of your surroundings. The tiniest sound or disturbance will set you on fire with rage for no real coherent reason. All you’re aware of is your sudden madness and frustration with everything around you. You can’t cool off you can’t shake it you can’t even walk it off. Even being alone in your struggle isn’t an option. The more rational you try to be the more maddening your senses are. Others may try and help; place a hand on your shoulder, but your mad because they are there; if they weren’t you’d be mad because they aren’t. Sympathy turns into patronizing; and sadly nothing can help you. You’re all alone within yourself crying out needing something, something to fix this but there isn’t anything. All alone; just you and yourself to sit in saddening, maddening solitude.

I’ll come back and revisit this shortly; I need time for my mind to move further; maybe some air too.

-Kevin.

Life always seems to surprise you when you least expect it. Also at the most inconvenient of times it will throw you a curve-ball. This would have been the second year in a row that I would have gotten the holiday’s off from work, and I was really looking forward to it. Actually this year was going to be a bit nicer than last. We were supposed to work tonight (Monday night) and have the rest of the week off for Thanksgiving, and then like last year we were getting the weeks of Christmas and New Years off as well. I save up about two weeks of vacation time each year to use for Thanksgiving week, and Christmas week, The week of New Years is considered next year to payroll, so I just take it without pay, which isn’t a big deal. We always schedule an out of town week right before Christmas so that we will get a larger than norma mileage check to make up for the week without pay. This year we were doing both of the last two weeks before Christmas in Alabama, so it was going to be a really nice milage check for us.

Unfortunately things don’t always pan out the way they are planned. Corporate has decided in their infinite wisdom that they want to save as much money as they can during the holidays and over the last few weeks of the year. So they have decided to cancel all the scheduled inventories for Period 12 (basically the next three weeks). Which means that I now have 93 hours of vacation time to spread across four weeks of no work. I have the option to go and work in a store for extra hours, but since I haven’t worked in a store in over a year and a half I really don’t want to. Plus everyone has hired all of their seasonal employees and won’t have any labor hours to spend on me either.

I guess in a nut-shell I was laid off today.

Best of all, no one actually has any information about next year. So as far as we know we are employed with the company but have nothing to do (i.e. get paid to do) and might, or might not come the first week of January. So lucky me, no job for a month and I can’t even file unemployment. I got the best ’severance package’ as we’re calling this cashing in our vacation time to cover as much as we can. My boss and co-worker only have 40 and 33 hours (respectively) of vacation time to spread across this coming month.

Needless today tonight at work we weren’t working at full speed. For two reasons actually; one in disbelief, and two we needed tonight to take as long as it could so we could get as many hours on the clock as possible.

So if anyone has any free time here in oh say the next month and wants to hang-out, let me know. I’ll be available and bored. I should probably start practicing doing naughty things on web-cam again for money incase I loose my job entirely. =)

It’s really sad that that’s as positive as I can be…

-Kevin.

…when you have to go read your myspace to remember how old you are. For some reason it just escaped me. Another sign of being old.

While most of my closer friends know what I’ve been up to lately, most of you do not; and I don’t feel that it’s fair to not keep you in the loop. Basically in a nutshell I’ve been dreadfully sick since last Thursday. There was a sewage leak at that store we did Thursday, as well as one of the girls working there was sick and coughing and sneezing all over us, so naturally between the two I was bound to get something. I believe it was just a nasty cold. I’ve slowly been feeling better. No more fever, still have no voice and some chest congestion, but over all feeling better. That’s the physical aspect of it, now on to the mental aspect of it.

I still haven’t heard anything from my friend that I am/was supposed to go see Friday, thankfully Billy was kind enough to be the middle man between me and Delta since I have no voice and can’t talk on the phone, and since my tickets were ‘non-refundable’ I obviously can’t get my money back, but! They rolled the value of the tickets over into a voucher that’s good for any flight through January 29th of 2009. So whenever I want to go somewhere I can just use that, and pay the difference (if there is one) so yay for Delta! Since I’m not out the entire cost of the flight I don’t feel nearly as disappointed. I am still a tad bit peeved over the whole situation, but whatever I’m over it. So hopefully I’ll feel a bit less depressed once I’m well again.

Oh and big props to MarsEdit for the update! I really like the apple script tools that were added. For example the currently playing iTunes song!

Currently playing in iTunes: Good Luck by Basement Jaxx & Lisa Kekaula

Hopefully spewing forth all of this mumbo jumbo will help me get a little rest tonight. This is going to come in two posts that are only slightly related. As many people have noted I have been in a ‘funk’ lately. Sort of depressed, but sort of just plain out of it. I don’t really feel like talking about this, but at the same time I feel as though I need to talk about it. The first post i.e. this one bears the brunt of the weight on my mind; the second holds the rest. Due to the unfortunate order of blogging the first post will come after the second, but what can you do?

Basically (and I’ll sum this up as easily as I can), I am scheduled to take a trip to visit a friend. I’m supposed to leave next Friday, so basically almost a week away. Everything has been good up until last week, where now I haven’t heard from him in a full week now. He hasn’t been online, hasn’t responded to any form of messages, etc. I’m not exactly sure what is going on but I also haven’t really been given the chance to. I was really looking forward to going, and if I were to say that there wasn’t any romantically involvement here I’d be lying, but I’ll also leave it at that. I’m just very discouraged right now, a little disappointed, and a lot of upset. I have non-refundable delta tickets, so I really want to go. At the same time I don’t want to go and be stuck away from home for a week. In my head I’m making up excuses for everything, trying to play the optimistic role, but in my heart I think the realist has set in, and I’ve just been played. Well I’ve said my peace with that. Like I said originally I wasn’t looking to talk about it, just hoping to get it off my chest. Now I guess off to my next post… (I might edit this later and add some more stuff if I feel like it)